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To the Girl that Misses Her Mama on Mother’s Day.

I wandered Tar-Jay the other day and was drawn into the bright sign above the card aisle..."MOTHER'S DAY MAY 10"...yes, another one without her.

I didn't need to see the reminder because the reminder grows strong as the weeks lead up to this day. It has been nearly 13 years and I still struggle with this day.

I mean, don't get me wrong, her birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, the anniversary of her Heaven Home Calling...all of those days are gut punches and stark reminders that another year has passed without her.

Grief is the crummiest of emotions and it's a roller coaster that never ends. The person who came up with the quote "time heals all pain" never really felt loss or pain, I am convinced of that. Because as time passes, my heart aches for just a little more time.

Mother's Day makes me feel that ache deeper than most of those holidays we spend without her now.

It's bittersweet but way more bitter than sweet, if I am being honest. I spend days feeling all the sadness. The anger grows a bit too. My patience thins with people.

I still ask God, "Why? Why did you take her at 49? Why did she get sick when she was 39?"

My Mama

I love Jesus with my whole heart, I trust God but I still wonder and question His plan in taking her early.

But I don't get that answer and if you have dealt with this kind of void, you don't get the answer either. And it sucks.

To the girl wandering the card aisle, reading all the words and imagining picking the perfect card this year, I get you.

To the girl picturing a Mother/Daughter a shopping trip you wish you two were on, smiling and trying on clothes together, I feel you.

To the girl who wishes she could plan a big brunch, filled with copious amounts of coffee, bottomless mimosas, burnt bacon and big fluffy, iced cinnamon rolls to celebrate their Mama, I see you.

To the girl that never got to ship her kids off to her Mom's house for a sleepover so she could have a date night with her hubs or a girls night out with her friends or a peaceful bubble bath alone, I know you.

To the girl who didn't get to walk down the aisle and peek over and see her Mama dolled up, tears running down her face, and the brightest most proud smile of all on your wedding day, I get you.

To the girl that still pictures what the birth of her kids would have been like if you had been there holding her hand and telling her how proud you are of her, I feel you.

To the girl that still thinks to pick up the phone and call her Mom and tell her all the things, I know you.

To the girl that wakes up everyday wishing she would have had a little more time to spend with her Mom, a few more moments to create memories, a million more hugs and the voice that calmed her heart when the world felt dark, I feel every ounce of that deep void you have too.

I am that girl too. I wish for it all. Today and forever until I see her again.

The only way to walk this grief journey is with gratitude and hope.

Grounded in the gratitude for the time God gave us with our Mamas. The memories we have lodged in our hearts and minds and the ability to see hope in Heaven.

For there will be a day when we celebrate with them again but until then, share her, never stop sharing her. Her memory. With your kids, so they may know their Mimi, Grandma, G-Ma or whatever name you would have called her...let them know her they way they deserve to know her...and maybe make that pretty little brunch you would have if she were here and celebrate the women who God sent you over the years to bring motherly love to your life and heart in these years without her.

Girl, I see you, I know you, I feel you and I love you. You are strong because your Mama set the path and showed you how. Don't ever forget that.


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14 Comments

  1. Carmen Cable on April 30, 2020 at 10:43 am

    My girls get mad at me because I still cry and miss my mother oh so very much. She died at the age of 100 on Sept. 22, 2018. I will post on Facebook that I miss her. People on Facebook my friends think that’s horrible and think I need to talk to a counselor. I get the holidays. It brings up some strong emotions. Those emotions never leave us. I don’t like what people say about me. Your article was superb.



    • Andrea Robinson on May 4, 2020 at 3:19 pm

      You are allowed to feel all of these emotions. This is not wrong and anyone who leads you to feel that don’t understand. That is okay…let them feel that but know you are not wrong. They never leave us and we will miss them all of the days of our lives. Love to you sweet Carmen!



    • Courtney W on May 4, 2020 at 5:27 pm

      This is my first year without my mama. She passed away 10/8/19 from stage 4 colon cancer. This has touched my heart to the core. And my mom LOVED you Andrea! So it makes it that much more special!



      • Andrea Robinson on May 18, 2020 at 9:38 am

        Oh my heart just aches. The firsts we experience after they are gone are so so hard. I am sending you so much warm love and healing prayers as you walk this journey. I am hugging you sweet friend. xoxo



  2. Wendi on April 30, 2020 at 11:47 am

    Thanks, Andrea….as always, you’ve hit the nail on the head…my mom passed away at 51, 45 years ago….I was 13…Mother’s Day is especially hard for me as well, and her move to heaven happened on May 3, so May is a difficult month for me….
    Mother’s Day is doubly difficult, as I grew up thinking I’d have 2-3 kids, but God had other plans….so, like you, I trust God, but find myself be a bit resentful on Mother’s Day with no mom to celebrate and no kids, either….
    We’ll get through it, we have for years, but time can’t heal the grief. In this case, it hides in the shadows until this time of year and then rears its ugly head. God’s way of reminding us of her love and guidance, and that we have a special angel on our shoulder!
    Thanks for putting in to words, what my heart feels! I love your insight, always.



    • Andrea Robinson on May 4, 2020 at 3:18 pm

      Sweet Wendi, I am thinking of you. I know that heart ache doesn’t go away. I am sending you so much love. You have her in your heart always and God will always send you those reminders. Love you friend. xo



  3. Gretchen Chalmers on April 30, 2020 at 8:48 pm

    I’m that girl! My mama has been gone 11 1/2 years. Gosh I miss her so much sometimes it hurts. Thank you for this ❤ Happy Mother’s day!



    • Andrea Robinson on May 4, 2020 at 3:17 pm

      I feel you so deeply. I know that heart and how it aches. Hugging you! xoxo



  4. Daniel King on April 30, 2020 at 9:19 pm

    Andera I’m sorry your mother passed away so did mine I keep my mother in my daily thoughts and when I look up in the sky I know she is smiling at me down from heaven and guiding me in my everyday life
    Take care my friend



    • Andrea Robinson on May 4, 2020 at 3:17 pm

      I am with you in keeping them in our thoughts. I appreciate you my friend! I am thinking of you!



  5. Heather Norman on May 9, 2020 at 6:31 pm

    23yrs and it doesn’t get easier. It just doesn’t. I find myself an emotional and mental wreck every year around and on Mother’s day. Havoc ridden with guilt. Guilt for being selfish, selfish in wanting her here, selfish in wanting to be not bothered. Guilt in wanting to be alone even amongst the crayon master pieces of homemade cards, burnt toast and strawberries and roses. Yellow roses, her favorite. They mean well, but did you HAVE to get yellow? Now, I’m consumed with heartache as I look at this beautiful arrangement for me…but missing her. I feel terrible for my babies…my husband…my friends, but it just never gets easier.



    • Andrea Robinson on May 18, 2020 at 9:37 am

      You are not alone my sweet friend. The guilt the feelings all the emotions. I too know how your heart feels. Sending you so much love, always. xo



  6. Nadine graf on May 9, 2020 at 11:01 pm

    Thank you for this post its sums it up!! I am that girl as well Lost my wonderful momma 10yrs ago my heart aches for what she’s missing her wonderful great grand children although they miss her terribly my kids didn’t get a full chance to know her!
    Hugs to you



    • Andrea Robinson on May 18, 2020 at 9:36 am

      You are not alone, sweet friend! I am sending you so much love. I know how your heart feels. xoxo



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