To the Girl that Misses Her Mama on Mother’s Day.
I wandered Tar-Jay the other day and was drawn into the bright sign above the card aisle..."MOTHER'S DAY MAY 10"...yes, another one without her.
I didn't need to see the reminder because the reminder grows strong as the weeks lead up to this day. It has been nearly 13 years and I still struggle with this day.
I mean, don't get me wrong, her birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, the anniversary of her Heaven Home Calling...all of those days are gut punches and stark reminders that another year has passed without her.
Grief is the crummiest of emotions and it's a roller coaster that never ends. The person who came up with the quote "time heals all pain" never really felt loss or pain, I am convinced of that. Because as time passes, my heart aches for just a little more time.
Mother's Day makes me feel that ache deeper than most of those holidays we spend without her now.
It's bittersweet but way more bitter than sweet, if I am being honest. I spend days feeling all the sadness. The anger grows a bit too. My patience thins with people.
I still ask God, "Why? Why did you take her at 49? Why did she get sick when she was 39?"
I love Jesus with my whole heart, I trust God but I still wonder and question His plan in taking her early.
But I don't get that answer and if you have dealt with this kind of void, you don't get the answer either. And it sucks.
To the girl wandering the card aisle, reading all the words and imagining picking the perfect card this year, I get you.
To the girl picturing a Mother/Daughter a shopping trip you wish you two were on, smiling and trying on clothes together, I feel you.
To the girl who wishes she could plan a big brunch, filled with copious amounts of coffee, bottomless mimosas, burnt bacon and big fluffy, iced cinnamon rolls to celebrate their Mama, I see you.
To the girl that never got to ship her kids off to her Mom's house for a sleepover so she could have a date night with her hubs or a girls night out with her friends or a peaceful bubble bath alone, I know you.
To the girl who didn't get to walk down the aisle and peek over and see her Mama dolled up, tears running down her face, and the brightest most proud smile of all on your wedding day, I get you.
To the girl that still pictures what the birth of her kids would have been like if you had been there holding her hand and telling her how proud you are of her, I feel you.
To the girl that still thinks to pick up the phone and call her Mom and tell her all the things, I know you.
To the girl that wakes up everyday wishing she would have had a little more time to spend with her Mom, a few more moments to create memories, a million more hugs and the voice that calmed her heart when the world felt dark, I feel every ounce of that deep void you have too.
I am that girl too. I wish for it all. Today and forever until I see her again.
The only way to walk this grief journey is with gratitude and hope.
Grounded in the gratitude for the time God gave us with our Mamas. The memories we have lodged in our hearts and minds and the ability to see hope in Heaven.
For there will be a day when we celebrate with them again but until then, share her, never stop sharing her. Her memory. With your kids, so they may know their Mimi, Grandma, G-Ma or whatever name you would have called her...let them know her they way they deserve to know her...and maybe make that pretty little brunch you would have if she were here and celebrate the women who God sent you over the years to bring motherly love to your life and heart in these years without her.
Girl, I see you, I know you, I feel you and I love you. You are strong because your Mama set the path and showed you how. Don't ever forget that.
Starting Each Day With Gratitude
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